BJ Miller
Benefitting Coalition to Transform Advanced Care
BJ Miller was a sophomore in college when he lost both his legs and half of one arm in a freak electrical accident with a New Jersey commuter train. He spent months in a burn unit followed by outpatient physical therapy to learn how to manage daily life as a triple amputee. Looking to put to use the lessons he learned on suffering, BJ decided to become a physician - specifically a palliative care doctor, working with patients to create a dignified, graceful end of life experience. BJ shares his thoughts on what truly matters in life from spending time with hundreds of people facing its end.
Wise Words
“Failure that is death or disability is inevitable and so therefore don’t take it personally.”
“You don’t overcome your disability. You don’t hide your disability. You wear it proudly because it’s you.”
“I think in society we basically have this toxic supposition that death is bad, we don’t want it. Anyone dying would rather not be dying, et cetera. And that’s just blatantly untrue. A lot of people actually choose death even when they’re alive and otherwise on some level healthy.”
“Well, this idea of, well one pattern is framed by my colleague and friend and the four things that matter most. So one framework is with the time you have left, things that tend to be most important among people to do or hear is to say things like, I love you, I forgive you, please forgive me and thank you. These four things...these are sort of universal things that most sentient human beings would like to experience before they die. And he’s added a fifth thing, which is, I’m proud of you. If you can find a way to feel proud of yourself or have someone say that to you.”
“And there’s really a sixth thing which is simply goodbye. So those are some patterns that most human beings really light up around. So if you’re wondering how, what to say to someone, or what to do for someone or what to seek for yourself, that’s a pretty good running start.”
“You do not have to inherit the label of a quitter if you choose to go on hospice for example, you do not have to inherit the term crippled or handicap as someone who’s dealing with a different kind of body. You pick your own label, you pick your own adjectives.”