Amy Chesler
Amy Chesler always knew her brother Jesse struggled with anger. He never developed the tools to manage his emotions. But then he started taking his frustrations out on her in harmful and abusive ways. The power and control he exerted over Amy was just the beginning. In this chilling and powerful episode, Amy shares the story of the day her brother killed their mother, her fight to navigate a difficult legal system for justice, and ultimately how she stayed alive.
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In this episode:
Undiagnosed mental illness.
Understanding the effects of sibling abuse.
Discerning the types of abuse.
The aftermath of her mother’s murder.
Healing the pain and trauma through educating and storytelling.
The need for a shift in the narrative of true crime.
LINKS & RESOURCES:
Book: Working For Justice: One Family's Tale of Murder, Betrayal, and Healing
Podcast: What Came Next
Website: www.amybchesler.com
Instagram: @amybchesler
Facebook: Amy B Chesler
Twitter: @amybchesler
LinkedIn: Amy-Chesler
Charity: The Army of Survivors
Wise Words:
I was getting picked on at home by my brother more than anything. You know sibling abuse affects 50% of children in America. I was a statistic that I didn't know about at that time but he was picking on me deeply. So any bullying I faced at school paled in comparison.
By the time he was in fourth grade and I was in first grade he was more of a liability and a fear of mine.
I always say I don't think everything happens for a reason. That's what my life has taught me. But I think everything happens for a million reasons. And I think my brother ended up being who he is now for a million reasons.
Abuse can be anything really, where one person has power over the other and they utilize that to manipulate or control the other person
Sibling abuse is when a sibling uses their power whether that comes from being elder or if it comes from a power dynamic that they've created. And it doesn't have to be an older sibling, it could be a younger sibling. However, it is more often an older sibling statistically. It's more often an older brother abusing a younger sister. It could be emotional, it could be mental, it could be physical, it could be sexual, it could be virtually anything weaponizing whatever tools they have in order to elicit a behavior or manipulate someone into doing something they wouldn't necessarily do. It's virtually coercive control but between siblings.
We can't do things alone. Community is important. As small as her life or social circle had to get at one point she was always someone who had good friends and hobbies and passions. I saw her turn towards art and I saw her turn towards her friends. I saw her build me up and all those things were key in my survival and my ability to transform my heartache and trauma into something better as well.
I get messages a lot. I get a lot of messages from women who say, “I was abused by my brother too. Thank you for helping add words in context and community to my experiences.” But on the flip side, I get so many messages from women who say my son is abusive, or my daughter is abusive, and thank you for actually allowing me to come to terms with what could happen if I allow this to keep going in the same manner. Not that that responsibility is on the victim but there are practices that can be put into place that make it a safer environment that my mom didn't know at the time.
In true crime stories, which is a massive genre right now, most of the time we see the perpetrator being highlighted and we see very little of the victim's voice being centered in the story. I think that that is absolutely detrimental to our society.
I think we need to be leading with and leaving our listeners with a narrative that's centered around the victim. How did they prevail? How did we overcome this massive tragedy? That is where the ultimate lesson lies. Even in true crime.
I don't think that anyone should like a podcast called My Favorite Murder. That is disgustingly insulting and highly offensive and I'll bring it up any chance I can because, from a victim's perspective, it's so insensitive and disgusting and perpetuating a cycle that's harmful to us. No murder should be your favorite. My mom's murder better not be your favorite murder.
I hope people realize how deep of an impact each person's actions can have on another person.
Every single person's actions carry weight and you have the ability to change things and the world and your life. In the same vein, you have the ability to hurt and destroy and we all carry that power and responsibility.