Obi Ndefo
Benefitting Santa Monica Playhouse
Obi Ndefo was living the life of a successful actor in Los Angeles, developing a television series by day and teaching yoga at night, when during an evening grocery store visit, a drunk driver veered across traffic and slammed into Obi's body, leaving both his legs severed above the knee. His path to healing involved a laser focus on healthy eating and exercise; his physical improvement astounding doctors and nurses at every turn. In this raw and vulnerable conversation, Obi explains the mental toll of extreme change, weaving his hopeful optimism with the honest reality of the nature of suffering.
Wise Words
“I think, as an actor, you tend to have this vehicle, this body, this vessel that souls kind of inhabit. And that’s part of what you’re doing functionally is like sort of playing a slave, a king, a murderer, a mother. You literally take on other people’s realities and emotions. So, I kind of, for better or for worse, have that kind of body, that kind of system, which is a wonderful thing, but it’s torture.”
“And I was just realizing, it’s like, oh man, like what happened? What just happened? And I reached down and I think Alberto kind of guided my hand away. I asked, “Are my legs still there?” It just occurred to me and then I just started repeating, “I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive.” And I had to just spiritually go to this place of appreciation and gratitude. I was pissed. But I just had to say, okay, I know I’m alive. I’m alive. Thank God, I’m alive.”
“There’s things I’ve had to deal with in my life that only somebody who’s gone through an eating disorder, or someone who has gone through in the trenches of having bipolar condition, or somebody who has had depression for 20 years say, knows the extent of what that means and the weight of what that means.”
“Anxiety and depression are no joke. They’re right up there with any trauma. Do you know what I mean? And I defy anyone to say, which is easier, getting your legs severed in an instant or going through depression for 20 years.”
“And so, I was uniquely positioned to this has been one of the most intense, brutal, mind boggling things I could ever imagine anyone going through. But heartbeat by heartbeat, I had some of the tools, some of the tools to at least begin the process of acceptance, and the rigor that it would take to get through this with positivity and with love.”
“And my appointment had ended and they were closing the office and I went down to Wilshire Boulevard, which is a busy, busy street out here, in my wheelchair with my prosthetic legs, my new prosthetic legs I’m working with now were off, sitting in my lap, sobbing in the middle of the street. I happened to manage to grab some paper towels in the bathroom and for like an hour and a half. And it was like grief. It was grief and there’s no two ways about it.”
“Someone’s coming up again now like, my legs are gone and for someone who dance on stage and sing and yoga, and all this stuff was my life. I used to, I love doing stunts in film and television. It’s one of my highlights, memories is being able to do acrobatics and fighting scenes and it’s just my legs.”
“We all help each other. And we’re learning that in this era of the virus, is that you pay it forward. You pay it forward and you help someone. Literally if they can help someone and we see how connected we all are helping the healthcare workers, helping the police officers, helping our truck drivers and our farmers and helping our moms and helping our politicians and our actor. Where would we be without our music artists or musicians and performers or filmmakers now that we’re at home and needing art more than ever, just gasping for art.”
“I don’t want to do a disservice and I’m going to just feel sacrilegious to just say, “Oh, I feel so strong” or “Obi is strong.” Let me phrase this another way. Okay. I’m going to contradict myself right now. Everything I’ve said. I’m in hell right now. I’m a mess. Okay, and that’s equally true. And I’m being 100% honest. Okay.”
“And if you catch me on a different day, a different moment, you will see a different side of me. And so, I’ll say it again, so that anyone who’s listening who’s in this place can possibly understand what I’m saying. ’m in hell right now. I’m a mess. Okay, and that’s true. And I’m not just saying that, Kimi. If you saw me yesterday, the level of what I’m going through emotionally if someone could step into my body would be like, “No, thank you. I can’t take this. I can’t handle this.”
“I had to take a path of love that yes, even the person who hit me. I love you. Yes, I do.”
“Whatever we are going through, whatever you’re going through, if you’re in a particular stage of cancer, if you have fourth stage cancer, if you have a child with autism and that’s challenging to work through, if you don’t have enough food to eat, if you’re in an abusive relationship and you’re being physically or emotionally or sexually abused, if you’re dealing with cancer like so many people are dealing with, if you have coronavirus right now and you’re in the hospital and you’re alone, if you’re in the military and you’re away from your family, if you’ve lost a child, if you’ve lost a spouse, there are so many things and things that don’t even sound that dramatic.”
“If you’re really having a hard time with anxiety and just you’re so... That can be enough to make someone not want to live. That you’re so stressed, you’re so anxious and you’re so worried about your circumstance or about the world, if there’s so much grief, there’s so much loss, there is a through line. You may not see it right now. You may not know it. You may not even believe it. But there’s a through line into redemption, into hope, into joy, back into help, into sanity, into togetherness, into survival.”
“There is a through line to recovery. And there’s a through line to love and joy. There’s a return to love. It exists. It’s always there. It’s always, always there. We just have to keep looking. It’s there. It’s there.”
Links
Obi’s Gofundme
Obi’s Instagram: @ndefoobi
Obi’s charity selection: Santa Monica Playhouse
Facebook: @santamonicaplayhouse
Twitter: @SMPlayhouse
Instagram: @smplayhouse