Victoria Arlen
Benefitting Victoria's Victory Foundation
Victoria Arlen grew up in beautiful New Hampshire, one of triplets in a close, supportive family, until at the tender age of eleven, she lost the ability to speak, eat, walk and move due to a rare condition. She slipped into a coma. When she awoke a year and a half later, Victoria quickly realized she was "locked" inside her own body. Doctors had written her off as a lost cause and gave her family no hope for recovery. In 2010, after almost four years she began the nearly impossible journey of coming back to life (beginning with blinking). By 2017, Victoria had become a US Paralympic champion swimmer, transitioned to a career in broadcasting with ESPN, and competed on Dancing with the Stars. In this episode, Victoria shares the mindset that kept her moving forward, the responsibility of being called a "superhero", finding hope during hard times, and the healing power of forgiveness.
Wise Words
“I think there’s a big misconception of people in vegetative states that they’re not there and they’re not aware. I was very much aware, I just had no way of communicating that.”
“There was about a year and a half that’s lost, and so I remember having this horrible headache, being rushed into an ambulance, and then I woke up in the vegetative state and a year and a half had gone by.”
“So I think that's when I woke up and started remembering, but I didn’t realize I was locked in for a good 15 to 20 minutes. So I kept thinking, I was trying to talk to the doctors in the room, the nurses in the room, my parents, and no one was listening. And so that was when I first realized that I was locked in.”
“The main conversation, I think, that the doctors kept preparing my parents that I was going to die and that they should be prepared to say goodbye, prepared to accept this very real possibility. But then on the contrary, every day I kept living, they would keep saying, “Well, the Victoria you once knew is not coming back, so you need to also think about maybe putting her in a special care facility.”
“There was always one or the other. And then to rebuttal all of that, both my parents were like, “No. We have her, she’s still here.” And so they just kept finding ways. So when I would stabilize, they actually set up a hospital room in our living room so I could be a part of our world and be a part of my family and still have the proper care and being taken care of. And so my parents and my brothers alike, everyone was like, “As long as we still have her, she’s still part of our family.”
“This doctor came walking in, he didn’t even sit down, he just said to my mom, he’s like”You need to accept the fact that your child is going to die,” and just walked out. And in such a heartless 10-second conversation, shared that, and walked away.”
“And I remember seeing out the corner of my eye my mom just falling to her knees and crying, one of the cries that you never forget. I remember in that moment I just wanted to scream, I remember I wanted to reach out and I remember being like, “Oh my God. If I could only just say one thing I would say, ‘I love you mom, I’m still here, I’m still fighting.”
“And I remember just that being permanently ingrained in my mind and I never wanted to see that again. So I was like, “I’ll be damned if this is how my story ends.”
“I started to create a hefty bucket list, and I decided that when I came out of this, I would not have fear when it comes to going after these crazy dreams.”
“I think for so long I just wanted to be heard, I wanted to let them know that I was still in there and that I was still fighting. And so the fact that now we both knew was really relieving for me.”
“Sometimes you just have to jump in even if it’s scary and sometimes you have to help someone jump in.”
“I was 21 years old when I was going from being in a wheelchair for 10 years to now walking, so that in of itself was pretty crazy.”
“I didn’t really pay too much attention to the outside noise because for every person that likes you, there’s going to be a couple that don’t like you.”
“And so I think learning to forgive was really powerful for me. Learning to forgive and learning to find a purpose for all that happened to me in a piece, finding peace, and purpose for the pain that I went through.”
“I think when you have a strong collection of faith, hope and love, I think you can move mountains, and that’s really what kept all of us going.”
“I think when everything stripped away and you can’t even scratch your own nose, I think you develop this strong sense of gratitude. I watched life go on without me for four years, and so I think I was pretty driven at that point to make the most if I was given a second chance to make the most of it.”
“I’m definitely human, I have my own fair share of stresses and insecurities and anxieties, and so I think it’s finding a balance for all of that. What’s really hard is you don’t really get...No one gives you a brochure for being this miracle, and so you’re indirectly given this superhero cape, if you will. And you have to be on and you have to be...people are looking to you.”
“And I think for a very long time I didn’t allow myself to be anything but that. I didn’t realize that I was allowed to feel, allowed to cry out loud, to have a meltdown. And it wasn’t until my mom was like, “It’s okay to not be okay.” There are days where I’m like, “It’s raining today and I’m going to deal with that accordingly.” And finding that balance, because even Superman needed to take off his cape from time to time.”
“I just hope people knowing that there’s no such thing as a lost cause, and that if you’re going through something, just keep fighting and believing. And even when it appears that you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s always things to be grateful for, you just have to look up.”
Links
Victoria’s website: victoriaarlen.com
Victoria on Instagram: @arlenv1
Victoria’s charity: Victoria’s Victory Foundation