Diane Button
Death Doula Diane Button has served as a companion to hundreds of clients and their families through the end of life process. She is a lead instructor at the University of Vermont's End of Life Doula Certificate program, a founding partner of the Bay Area End of Life Doula Alliance, and the author of the bestselling new book, Dear Death: Finding Meaning in Life, Peace in Death and Joy in an Ordinary Day. Today she shares the lessons she’s gathered from her clients through the years, whom she refers to as The Wisdom Keepers, so that the end of your life can be the best possible journey that it can be.
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In this episode:
How she got into this line of work.
Her advice on what to say and do when someone in your life is dealing with difficulty like illness or grief.
The six questions she asks every client.
What really brings people joy in the end.
How to live well so that you can die well.
Stay connected to Diane:
Facebook: Diane Button
Author Page: www.dianebutton.com
Lead Instructor: University of Vermont, Larner College of Medicine EOLD Program
Books:
Dear Death - Dear Death: Finding Meaning in Life, Peace in Death, and Joy in an Ordinary Day
Dear Death, A Workbook and Companion Guide - Dear Death Workbook and Companion Guide
The Letter Box: A Story of Enduring Love - The Letter Box
End-of-Life Doula Website: Bay Area End-of-Life Doula Alliance
Dream of a Better World 501(c)3: - Non-profit Blog Page
Wise Words:
People say this often that cancer was a gift, or a certain illness was a gift.
I look at it as an opportunity for me to understand how to live in the present moment and how to be true to my heart, and how to share my heart with those that I care about.
When I go and sit with somebody who's grieving, I just remember that I want to do whatever I can to minimize their grief. I don't want to add to it. So I think a gentle, a hug and it's okay to say, I'm so sorry for your loss, or, I'm here for you.
One of the things that people often say is, if there's anything I can do at all, let me know. And that's not always helpful because it's not specific. But we talk in the training at the University of Vermont about offering specific gestures to help.
Would you like me to drive you to this meeting? Would you like me to go to the grocery store? Can I take your pet for a walk? Can I come in and do your laundry? I mean, specific offers of support seem to be a lot more helpful than just a generic, I'm here for you. Let me know if there's anything I can do.
Death is just one day. That's probably why I don't love the term Death Doula as much because I think we're End Of Life Doulas. We walk people through life and prepare them for death. And it's then about getting all your stuff in order so that you can live well. So, the end of your life can be the best possible journey that it can be.
I ask myself at the end of the month, those six questions. You know, who matters most? What matters most? What is left unsaid? What is left undone? What am I worrying about at night? And what's bringing me joy? Because it's sort of like an emotional detox. I'm starting to realize I can ask myself those questions and I can keep doing my work. And that's part of how I prepare for my own end of life.
When you really peel away what brings you joy. People aren't saying the exotic vacation is joy. That's not joy. Or the wedding. It was great and it was fun, but what really brings me joy is that cup of coffee on my porch in the morning, or that friend who comes by, or that hummingbird that comes to my house every day.
It's simple things, and that's really part of what the wisdom of the dying have taught me. It's moment by moment doing the right thing and being kind. You don't have to have a lot of money. You don't have to even have a lot of time.
You just have to be aware of when you can do the right thing, because that's gonna be how people remember you by the little things too.
I think that the idea of what you do every day in your life, to live well, to live in peace, to die in peace, you need to live in peace, to die in harmony with all beings you need to live in harmony with all beings, you know, to, to die without regrets and live without regrets or working through your regrets, you know, it's all about what we do in our day-to-day living that prepares us for dying well.