Laura Cathcart Robbins
Laura Cathcart Robbins first started using Ambien to help her get some sleep. But as the pressures of her public life grew, so did her usage of the drug. She was swallowing lethal amounts of sleeping pills and washing them down with booze. At the heart of her addiction was a feeling that she wasn’t able to be honest about who she really was – beginning in childhood at the hands of an abusive step-father, through motherhood and a Hollywood marriage. In this episode, Laura shares how the choice to release her secrets allowed her to start living instead of just existing.
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In this episode:
Laura’s departure from her authentic self.
The first time taking using Ambien
Experiencing life as a “double agent.”
Laura files for divorce and decides to go to rehab.
The impact of unconscious bias as a black woman.
What it means to be fully seen.
Stay connected to Laura:
Book: Stash
Website: www.theonlyonepod.com
Instagram: @lauracathcartrobbins | @theonlyoneintheroom
Charity Donation: Friendly House
Wise Words:
The interesting thing about my addiction is a lot of people stop partying and stop doing drugs for their kids. Once they have children, they leave that lifestyle behind. Mine kind of started then. Not the partying, but my addiction started after my kids were born, which is unusual.
So I got this really good night's sleep and when I woke up the first thing I thought was, oh, I wanna do that again. And I knew that was the wrong thought.
Ambien unleashed that monster within me, which I call my addiction. I don't ever remember contending with anything like this before, but once I crossed that invisible line somewhere that monster was up and calculating and strategizing how can we get more of this?
I had to present. I couldn't look shaky or like a junkie, which is what I was. I couldn't look like that. So I would pour over my day planner, and see, how long do I have to be here? How long do I have to be here? Can I cancel this? If I cancel this, then I can just do this, this, and this. And I might be able to wait until I get home to take anything.
I didn't have a place of solace in my home anymore because I wasn't happy. So I figured the best thing I can do for my family is to get loaded enough so that I can show up. Because if I don't have these, I can't show up. And then that's the worst thing for my family.
And it seemed to me, like all these other moms were enjoying time with their husbands and they loved shopping and they were super social. They saw each other a lot without their kids and their husbands. It seemed like they enjoyed spending time with their husbands and enjoyed spending time with each other and that they enjoyed being moms. But I wasn't happy doing any of it.
I felt that it was really important for me to not be exposed as a junkie to these people because the few other black parents there would then be looked upon differently.
They worked out a regimen that would keep me from dying basically while I detoxed, because they couldn't just pull me off because I could die.
I was taking lethal amounts of sleeping pills every night and washing them down with booze.
The fewer secrets you have, the freer you are, the healthier you are.