Meyli Chapin
Meyli Chapin was trapped in a hotel room for 17 hours in Nairobi while Al-Shabaab terrorists attacked the property. She was alone and certain she was going to die. But through the incredible efforts of brave men who fought to recover Meyli and extract her to safety, she survived. However, after the attack, PTSD left her mind shattered. She felt like a fraction of the strong, confident, capable woman she used to be. She thought she was uniquely traumatized and couldn't understand why she was unable to leave her apartment, why she couldn't sleep, and why she wished she had died in the terrorist attack. It was a long, hard road, but eventually Meyli did find the light at the end of the tunnel. She shares her experience of healing from PTSD, as well as thoughts and strategies to help anyone suffering from trauma to find hope and relief.
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In this episode:
The difficultly of living in a region with a constant threat of terrorist activity.
Meyli was only scheduled to be in Kenya for 2 days. She was supposed to be leaving the next morning.
A sleepless night full of panic to the point of heartache.
Grieving the person you are before the trauma.
Stay connected to Meyli:
Websites: traumabrace.com
Book: Terrorist Attack Girl
Instagram:@meylichapin, @traumabraceapp
Charity Donation: Heroic Hearts Project
Wise Words:
I think that I did feel safe, but also there is this inherent sort of privileged concept of safety in my head at that time. I’m American, I’m traveling with Google for a work trip, going to a five-star hotel. They told me the worst thing that is going to happen is I’ll get into a traffic accident or someone will steal my laptop. I just didn’t… There was some hubris to it. It just couldn’t… The idea that I could be in danger really just didn’t penetrate my psyche at all at that time.
Even to this day, even having written a book about it, it is very difficult for me to put into words what it’s like to have an explosion that size go off that close to you in a situation where you know that should not be happening.
These are terrorists, this is exactly what he was talking about, they’re here to kill us, and so they will. That was literally the end of the thought to me. Right? What am I going to do?
I thought I have to say goodbye, I have to tell my parents and my fiancé that I will never see them again, so I ran for my phone.
I just remember standing there, and I remember thinking very explicitly that I’m actually going to die before the terrorists get to my room of a heart attack. My heart was pounding so hard, it was physically painful, and I was shaking, my hands were shaking so badly it was difficult to dial the phone. That was the thought I remember being like, “Wow, I’m going to die.” In a way, it felt merciful to me. I was like my heart is going to give out, but at least then I won’t be violently murdered by strangers.
She had me look for a hiding spot. She was like, “What is the best possible hiding spot that you can think of inside of that room?” I remember feeling like it was almost kind of her to give me a task that I could actually do, to give me a way to hopefully contribute to my own survival. Right? Because I had gone from this state of completely frozen, there’s nothing I can do, to okay, there is something I can do, I can find a really good hiding spot. I have just enough cognitive capacity to do that with all of the fear that I’m feeling.
I remember saying to her over and over, “Isn’t someone coming to help us?” That’s still hard for me to say, that still brings tears to my eyes.
It’s one of these things that this commonplace event, I knocked something over and broke it, becomes the center of your universe. That was the center of my universe, I couldn’t believe that I had done something clumsy enough that it might draw the terrorist’s attention to my location. And so I, I it’s like a clock starts in my head. They’ll be here in under a minute, I have to imagine. Right?
There are methods of treatment for PTSD that are coming out right now that have a 67% success rate for treatment resistant PTSD, for people who feel that they’ve already tried everything. So, I truly believe that for every person there is an answer, it’s just really different for everyone.
If you feel so incredibly stuck, the way that I did, that’s a symptom of trauma, and that can be alleviated.
While my view of evil radically was changed that day, my view of good and the goodness of humanity was also radically impacted that day in that I got to see a total stranger walk in there and save my life, and he didn’t have to,
We are never, ever alone. In particular, in the moments when we are in the most pain, we are not alone.